Children

My friend Dushka and I had a conversation one day as we strolled on the beach near her house in Monterra, Calif. We discussed the fact that we're both in our 30's and we don't have children. Many of our friends do. We discussed the expectation that we will have kids with our partners in the coming years. But do we really want children?

I've thought about that a lot this weekend. On Friday night we spent a lovely evening with Steph and Anu at Eileen and Dan's house. They both have children who are almost 2 yrs old and lovely. Later that evening, David and I said that we had to leave early to return home as I would be up at 7:15 a.m. the next day for my run. Both couples laughed at us because we said it as though 7:15 was super early and for them, with small children, that time was a lie in!

Today, David and I did what we wanted... We slept in until 10:30 a.m., strolled around Union Sq. and did some shopping, I had a manicure/pedicure and we chilled out around the house. I doubt we would have done that with kids.

I also spent a mindless hour or two this afternoon catching up on TiVo and watched 'The View.' The daytime TV program discussed people choosing not to have kids. One presenter said that often when someone says this, they're asked 'why don't you want kids?' Another presenter offered the view that people shouldn't be asked 'why don't you want kids?' but 'why do you want to have kids?'

I know that one day I want children, althought I cannot for the life of me imagine myself with a child (what would they look like, how would they act, how would I cope) but I don't think I can truly answer those questions above. I also can't imagine it being 24/7. Wouldn't it be great just 3-4 days a week? What about if I want a manicure? What about if I'm tired? What about when I want to go on a run? It's all or nothing...

Maybe that's why I'm not ready yet...do you just wake up one day ready? In the mean time, I'll just keep loving my favorite child in the world...Lauren - latest photo attached!

Comments

[Steph]

As one of four people laughing that night when you said 7:15 am was early, I agree with everything you wrote... kids are a big commitment. Your life will never be the same. It will be better in most ways, but very different from the life of true freedom you now enjoy. You can still have fun with kids, but the way in which you have fun changes. I do believe that when you're ready (if ever) you will know. But don't have kids before you're ready... there's no going back.

[Ian]

In answer to "Do one day you wake up ready?", I'll let you know if I do.

"What would they look like?" Miniature Daves.

3-4 days a week? Deal. Please collect them on Thursday, we'll see you on Sunday.

And another question you missed... How would you ever afford it? Imagine sacrificing one of your salaries to stay at home to look after them, or pay childcare.

[NAF_Comment_Dude]

It's one thing to see the little spoilt [sic] brats for an hour or two and another to have to deal with them 24/7/365 until you're old. I hope you gave all the kids at Dan/Eileen's some L O U D toys to play with???!!!!

A good movie that deals with this is The Weatherman, an interesting look at work, kids, parents, etc.

Anyway, your kids will be charming, happy, full of fun and laughter, very polite (requirement for a Brit, wot?), and mischievous. Probably blonde girl and a hellion, brown-haired bloke who would be a star in soccer in England, but will opt to play Lacrosse and Basketball here, and instead go to a smaller, prestigious college in the East. Meanwhile, your daughter will be a good runner and determined like her Mum.

It'll happen. You have plenty of time.

[Matt]

Hmmm, I went out, my wife got me drunk and next thing I know she's pregnant, so not toally planned (by me at least)...yes, your life changes, but on the plus side, he's now making upwards of £500 per day as a child model :-) (obviously all down to inheriting his mothers good looks...)

Also, Medised has a sedative in it, so just slip some of that in the night time milk and hey presto, 8am lie-ins (OK, nothing like the good old days, but it's a start...)

[Dushka]

I think about this all the time. Mostly, because I know what I want - except that in this case, I don't.
Here is what I know: you have to do what is right for you, not what works for others. You can't bring kids into the world if you're not sure. I've been saying "yes but not yet" for almost nine years.