I stopped blogging in March.
It was a conscious decision. David’s mum and many, many others have described me as an open book and often my blog posts are an extension of that. So it became increasingly hard for me to blog. I couldn’t write about things I’m passionate about, or things we were doing in our life when all those things were too raw and private to explain.
For the past year, something that I had inexplicably suspected for most of my adult life came true. Unfortunately, I was not going to be one of those fortunate people for whom motherhood and falling pregnant occurred quite simply. Unfortunately, my patience and David’s support would be tested to the max. Not only that but the wonders of modern science would baffle me, bring me to tears of joy and pain (mostly pain!) and also test our financial resolve.
However, this week, David and I can share our exciting news with the world, we are three months pregnant and hopefully, around April 14th next year we will welcome a beautiful baby into the world. So now I have something else to feel passionate about, it’s only about 2 inches long, but I don’t care, it has a heart beat and all the essential organs; this is already a well loved, much wanted and thoroughly researched little baby.
I feel passionate about how we got here. Often I think about 16 or 17 year olds who too easily fall pregnant. Sometimes (I know I’m being unreasonable) I think everyone should go through the heartache that we’ve been through to get to this point. Then I believe that every single child in this world would be well loved and be so well cared for that the world would be a better place.
I also feel passionate about our friends and family who have been so supportive. As you can imagine…connect the dots – I won’t bore you with the details…we’ve been through so much in the last year, but we are lucky. It’s been just a little more than a year…some people have years of this. Some friends have been there every step of the way, knowing every detail. Every low, depressing, unfair moment. And others didn’t know it, but their acceptance and lack of questioning of me not drinking one day, only to wait for an announcement that never came (thank you Jill, Wendy and Sarah) was very much appreciated.
As many of my friends know this about me, I’m a huge planner, so this was something that I couldn’t plan. I had no control. I couldn’t work harder, work longer hours, be more determined and then it would happen… I had no control. The life of our future child was in the hands of the doctors. They played God. So I am passionate and we are eternally grateful to them for getting us here…and there’s still six months to go. But as you can imagine, I need that time to plan what stroller we’re buying, to look for a crib/cot and decide on a name (I suppose we should be thankful it’s not names…)
Right now, I’m VERY thankful for everything…including having David by my side.